Konnichi wa! Tales Of Insanity! The series!
by The White Raven
Summary: something i've been working on for a while now. some bad langauge. script format. extremely stupid. collaboration with another author who has his own series IRE-land adventures
1. Konnichi Wa! ep 1 unusual acquaintences

Konnichi Wa! Tales of Insanity!  
  
First a rundown of current characters...  
  
Alex that's me. A 17-year-old, clinically depressed bisexual college student with drinking problems. Rodrigo a friend of mine and alter ego in my Internet life. He is a twenty-something drop out and regular cat-rapist Mr.Floppolom another friend and former Internet alter ego. Owns a dart gun and is often found laying traps for Rodrigo. Hates anime with a passion. Mumm-Ra perpetually pregnant, psychic cat. Suffers from regular mood swings and lives with my other two resident cats, Tremble and Eyebrow. 3\/1L |\/|4St3r l33t a small, four inch tall, demon who has the bizarre ability to make me speak l33t for twenty minute intervals. Shinji Ikari four inch tall representation of my "good" conscience. Has troubles concerning his sexuality. Cthulu four inch interpretation of my "bad" conscience. Due to his demonic nature, everytime I catch even a glimpse of Cthulu I go temporarily insane and start singing anything that is in my mind. Bob, narcoleptic master of the spatula Christ reborn and earth's last hope for redemption.... Outlook not too sunny.... And finally, The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness....... Or Wingy, as he is known affectionately by us mere mortals basically the antichrist and arch nemesis of Bob. Contains incredible powers, which are wanted by the government....  
  
Episode 1  
  
Unusual acquaintances..  
  
A young boy sits at his p.c. in the dining room typing away. There are two small figures sat on his left and right shoulders. One appears to be a young boy and the other is a demon so hideous that it defies description. Even by me. And I know what he looks like! Alex damn! I can't think of anything to write after this! Shinji where are you up to? Alex where the thing comes out his chest and kills the townsfolk Cthulu Cool! Shinji more like morbid! Alex well, it is my serious work so I gotta make it more adult than my usual fanfics. 3\/1L |\/|4S7Er l33t whatchoo guys doin? Alex my serious story, Calm Before The Storm. Been ages since I've done anything on it! e.m.l. Cool! Cthulu that's what I said (an extremely loud explosion is heard outside the room and Alex rushes to the door with his tiny companions in tow.) Alex RODRIGO! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Rodrigo they're everywhere! They're coming from the trees! GAAAAAH! Mumm-Ra He's having a psychotic episode it would seem. Shinji where the heck did he find a grenade launcher? Cthulu DUCK! (everyone falls to the floor as a grenade flies into the dining room, destroying the p.c.) Alex NOOOOOOO! YOU BASTARD! THAT WAS THE ONLY PLACE THAT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY STORY ON IT! Rodrigo THE LIGHT! THE LIGH.GLAKK! (alex proceeds to strangle rodrigo who begins to quickly lose conciousness muttering something about the vietcong) Shinji Uh, Alex? You can stop now. He's stopped struggling. Alex He's just unconscious! You have to hold on for ages till they die! (a dart flies through the air and hits alex in the neck. Immediately relaxing him making him drop the unconscious rodrigo to the floor) Mr. Floppolom that was quite close! Good thing I tracked Roddy from the lab! e.m.l. you were mucking around with the fusebox again weren't you? Shinji never mind that. Where did he get the grenade launcher from? The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness. (or wingy) he asked me for one so I lent him mine. Alex wendy I can fly! Wingy uhh what exactly happened? cthulu Rodrigo went on a grenade-flinging rampage, blew up the pc (containing all alex's work), alex tried to strangle him, and floppolom sedated alex..that's where you walked in. Wingy sooooooo.should I do anything? shinji wow. He's really out of it! Alex penguins over the 'ill cap'n thasands of 'em! (the lights dim for a moment as rodrigo can be heard yelping from floppy's lab under the stairs) Mr. Floppolom better? Rodrigo giganomashio! Suna no bangarabid! Gazamanoooo! Mr. Floppolom perhaps not. (lights dim and yelping can be heard. Wingy sighs and goes to alex's room followed by e.m.l.) e.m.l. wait up, boss! You wanna play me on gitaroo man? wingy uh, whatever. You know I'm going to beat you anyway. shinji uh, mumm-ra? Shouldn't we do something for alex? Alex I cannea do it cap'n! ah just dinnea have the power! Mumm-Ra (sighs) up to me to save the day again?  
  
To be continued  
  
Whadda ya mean, when? Whenever I can be arsed to do it! Christ, everyone's a critic! 


	2. Konnichi Wa! episode 2 consciences can't...

Konnichi Wa! Tales of Insanity!  
  
Episode 2  
  
Consciences can't fight.  
  
Alex uhh. wha hoppen? Mr. Floppolom Sorry about that, I had to sedate you, rodrigo was almost dead when I tracked him down. You had your hands firmly clasped around his larynx. He's recovering in my lab, and foaming at the mouth a lot too. Rodrigo Grrgl. Alex of course I tried to kill him he blew up the p.c! Cthulu you tell 'im! Shinji I Think we should stay out of this cthulu! Cthulu get bent! At least I do my job! (shinji takes offense to this {obviously} and a small red headed girl appears on his shoulder) asukaPunch him shinji! Hit that demon! Shinji I think I should consult my good conscience too before I make a decision asuka. Rei? What do you suggest? Rei The Sun. One of many, yet isolated. Alone. Lonliness. Shinji & Asuka huh? Rei oh. Yes. The darkness that exists in this world will be smoten by the power of good. Shinji soooo.. Punch him? Rei punch him. (A fight breaks out between shinji and cthulu. Meanwhile, alex is trying to break through rodrigo's defense line which basically consists of floppy and bob, narcoleptic wielder of the spatula, trying to hold his enormous frame against the wall.) Bob I don't think he's going to listen to reason, unusual one. floppolom me neither, he's starting to swear in other languages now, never a good sign. Alex verdammt schweinhund! Anata wa baka! Kusou! Mutti fichen! Pa'tak! Bob was that klingon? (wingy walks past, rubbing his eyes after a marathon playstation session with e.m.l. he proceeds to raid the fridge and goes back upstairs completely ignoring all the commotion.) Mumm-Ra (back from mouse hunting) he still going? Alex Rodrigo.you.bastard.I was.gonna.have that.published! Bob perchance, you may use your abilities to assist us, feline one? mumm-ra (sighs) fine. (alex is suddenly imobilised by an invisible force and floppy goes to check on rodrigo who's making some unusual gargling noises.) floppolom I'll be back in a minute, Bob. Stay with mumm-ra and try to calm alex down.Bob? Bob? BOB!!! Bob huh? wha? Oh, right. Shoot some squirrels. Got it. floppolom no! calm alex..oh whatever. Do what you want! (Bob heads for the local park with a shotgun from wingy's "secret" stash of weapons while muttering something about how cinnamon messes up his digestive system.) Mumm-ra (looks around) Well! Seems it's up to me seeing as shinji is having his head slammed in the fridge door repeatedly. Asuka C'mon shinji! Ach! Ein dumkopf! Schnell! Schnell! Rei existence..to be.. to exist. shinji I mustn't run aw-ACK! I mustn't run aw-ACK! I mustn't run aw-ACK! Cthulu mwah haa haa! Take that, bitch! Mumm-Ra hmm I wonder.can a conscience be killed? Alex let me at the bastrard! I just want five minutes alone with him! Mumm-Ra oh, settle down! Here, I'll release endorphins into your bloodstream. It'll make you feel better! Alex ahh. Very nice. Please, you can release me now mumm-ra. I realise now that it was all an accident and I wish to apologise to rodrigo personally for the way I acted. (short pause) Mumm-Ra you ain't fooling anybody, boy! You forget a little gift of mine called telepathy? Alex damn your psychic prowess, cat! Let me at the sonovabitch! (Upstairs, gitaroo man is being played at the loudest possible volume that the little t.v. will produce, and e.m.l. is sat at the door.) e.m.l. crien madiera! They still goin at it down there? Wingy yeah I think that alex is venting anger from another source. I wonder what he's angry about? (wingy farts into alex's cushion and throws an empty crisp packet across the room onto a pile of old underwear.) e.m.l. uhh, I got no idea boss! wingy fancy more dorito's? e.m.l.. (sickly burp) oh, god no! I think they're givin me the shits! (a bang is heard from the park and a faint voice can be heard shouting "got one!")  
  
to be continued! (maybe) 


	3. Konnichi Wa! episode 3 unexpected guests

Konnichi Wa! Tales Of Insanity!  
  
Revised rundown of characters!  
  
Alex that's me. A 17-year-old, clinically depressed bisexual college student with drinking problems. Rodrigo a friend of mine and alter ego in my Internet life. He is a twenty-something drop out and regular cat-rapist Mr.Floppolom another friend and former Internet alter ego. Owns a dart gun and is often found laying traps for Rodrigo. Hates anime with a passion. Mumm-Ra perpetually pregnant, psychic cat. Suffers from regular mood swings and lives with my other two resident cats, Tremble and Eyebrow. 3\/1L |\/|4St3r l33t a small, four inch tall, demon who has the bizarre ability to make me speak l33t for twenty minute intervals. Shinji Ikari four inch tall representation of my "good" conscience. Has troubles concerning his sexuality. Asuka Langey Sohryu Shinji's interpretation of his "bad" conscience. Constantly trying to get Shinji into fights. Likes Shinji but would never admit it Rei Ayanami Representation of Shinji's "good" conscience. Seems a little distracted most of the time. Has personal issues concerning her origin. Another admirer of Shinji although much less obvious than Asuka's "tough love" approach. Cthulu four inch interpretation of my "bad" conscience. Due to his demonic nature, everytime I catch even a glimpse of Cthulu I go temporarily insane and start singing anything that is in my mind. Vegeta Cthulu's interpretation of his "bad" conscience. Calls absolutely everyone he ever meets "kakarot" for some inexplicable reason. Robbie Cthulu's interpretation of his "even badder" conscience. Always coming up with the best way of getting the entire gang into trouble. Doesn't show it but he cares for the entire group like a family. Bob, narcoleptic master of the spatula Christ reborn and earth's last hope for redemption.... Outlook not too sunny.... And finally, The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies, Spawn of Satan, and Lord of Darkness....... Or Wingy, as he is known affectionately by us mere mortals basically the antichrist and arch nemesis of Bob. Contains incredible powers, which are wanted by the government....  
  
Guest starring.. Tim Alex's best friend from his college. Started a "war for peace" in Bournemouth several months ago but disappeared shortly after one of his comrades was injured.  
  
Episode 3  
  
Unexpected Guests.  
  
After the commotion of the previous episode the gang are chilling out around the living room, unaware of the incidents about to unfold..  
  
Alex so, what are we watching? Evil Master L33T it's a documentary on the depiction of angels throughout the common religious texts. Alex and why are we watching this? Cthulu Wingy and bob wanted to watch it. It's quite interesting really. Bob (arguing with Wingy) the only reason they say angels only have two wings is because the illustrators got bored drawing all the original designs of angels who had sets of up to 32 wings! Wingy just goes to show the lazy bastards you got on your side doesn't it! Shinji no need for that. Asuka you tell him! Whup his ass! Shinji Asuka.have you looked at me recently? (Holds up bandaged and plastered arm) Asuka you ain't gonna let a little thing like that stop you are you? Rei (sighs) perhaps we should let Shinji rest for a while before you coax him into another fight pilot Sohryu? Asuka Ahh whatta you know wondergirl? I'm the leader around here! You should all listen to me! (Shinji groans as a small argument breaks out between his consciences and the scene shifts to another small conscience on Alex's other shoulder.) Cthulu hmph. They bickering again? Vegeta Weaklings. You should kill them all kakarot! Robbie I agree with the puff in the jump suit. Vegeta shut your mouth kakarot! Robbie he call everybody that? Cthulu yeah I dunno why. I think he's a little funny in the head. (Another shift of scene takes us outside to where Mumm-Ra is sunning herself outside on the patio) Mumm-Ra more sun than usual today.very strange. (Eyebrow appears from over the fence with a fresh mouse kill in her mouth) Mumm-Ra ah! Another present for the monkey's eh eyebrow? (Eyebrow tilts her head slightly and gives off a muffled purr) Mumm-Ra (sighs) its frustrating being the only talking, psychic cat in the street. (Meanwhile in the basement, night on Bald Mountain is playing. Rodrigo is laid out on the table and Mr.Floppolom is wearing his "special" apron and mask) Mr. Floppolom Now. With this new treatment I've devised, I'll have restored your original personality. No more Vietnam flashbacks for you my friend!.now for the dosage! (As we leave floppy to administer his "treatment" to Rodrigo, focus is drawn to an unusual speck in the sky.apparently falling at great speed.) Alex Uhh has anyone seen where floppy and Rodrigo got to? I thought I heard music? (The lights in the house dim and a slight yelp is heard from the basement.) Alex ah. Never mind.. E.m.l. can anyone else hear that? Sounds like someone yelling.. (Everyone shuts up and listens. Night on bald mountain can be heard faintly from the basement and a distant voice can be heard) Voice someone fat get in my waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!! (A tremendous crash sounds out as a familiar figure bursts through the roof and lands on Wingy, much to the amusement of bob who promptly suffers another sleeping bout mid laugh) Alex Tim? What the heck are you doing here? I thought you disappeared after the war for peace in Bournemouth? Tim Fire Engine! Shinji huh? Rei it appears that he has lost some of his sanity. Asuka the ever observant wondergirl eh? Alex shut up guys! Tim? Where have you been all this time? The gangs been worried! Cthulu we have? Vegeta not us kakarot! He's talking about his friends! Robbie he has friends? (e.m.l. Chuckles and bob is asleep in the corner.probably for a while. Tim is bouncing up and down on wingy's head obviously oblivious to the situation he's in.) Tim where Tim been? Tim been noweaso! E.m.l. yep he's definitely lost it. Alex 71|\/| \/\/ |-| 47 15.l33t!!!! E.m.l. heh heh sorry. (Before Tim has a chance to try and explain his appearance in the house, a ball of light is forming underneath him.) Wingy get.off.my.head.you.fat bastard! Alex \/\/ 1 |\| g y, |\|0! Tim it broke oooooooooffffffffffff!!!! (Tim's frame is sent hurtling up into the air again creating an even bigger hole in the roof, meanwhile Bob is still asleep and Mumm-Ra is rushing in with some interesting news) Alex \/\/ 1 |\| g y! \/\/ |-| Y d1d j00 |-| 4 \/ 3 2 d0 d47? 4|\|d 570p 1t l33t! E.m.l. ok, ok Wingy (rubbing his head) well the bastard shouldn't have landed on me! I had to get him off me somehow! Alex by vapourizing him? Mumm-Ra uh, guys? Wingy I barely scratched him! Alex YOU BLEW HIM THROUGH THE ROOF! Mumm-Ra guuuuys? (Mr. Floppolom runs out of the basement still wearing his "special" outfit) Floppy Guys! What's happening outside? Wingy HE WAS CRUSHING MY WINGS! Alex HE DIDN'T KNOW! HE WAS INSANE! Mumm-Ra doesn't look like they're going to notice anytime soon. Shinji Alex? ALEX! Alex what? (Shinji points up and Alex and Wingy follow his finger up to see what everyone was shouting about) Wingy why the crap are there trees coming in through the roof? Cthulu oooooh crap, I don't like the look of this. (Rodrigo appears from the basement apparently cured.) Rodrigo it's so dark here.why's it so dark? Floppy that'd be the trees surrounding the house, blocking out all the light and coming in through every nook and cranny. Rodrigo I'll get the swords and flame-throwers then? Mumm-Ra if you would. Bob hey, why's it so dark in here? And where's Tim? E.m.l. no time to talk now, Jesus boy. Just grab your spatula and help us out! (The gang is trapped in the middle of the living room, surrounded by plantlife. Rodrigo barely makes it through the door with wingy's stash of weapons clutched to his chest. He hands out a selection of scimitars and katana's to the group and they all stand back to back.) Vegeta so what are we going to do now kakarot? Wingy no way are these bastards going to get my playstation! AlexWHATTA YA MEAN YOUR PLAYSTATION!? Mumm-Ra somehow, I don't think this was the ideal time to give them both weapons. Bob I would have to concur, feline one. For now though, let us protect this house and those who dwell within it! Rodrigo what he said. Floppy ditto! Asuka okay people! Let's go to it! Robbie kill the bastards! (The gang flies into battle and we leave them for now.)  
  
To be continued..  
  
Everytime I write that I hear a little theme song in my head.. Just need to find one mad enough for Konnichi Wa.. 


End file.
